6 Reasons Starbucks is Better Than That Coffee Shop Across The Street

Friday, August 20th, 2010

6 – Starbucks doesn’t try to guilt you into adding a tip at the till on their handheld debit card machines.  I just bought an overpriced bag of old dried up beans from you for too much, now you want me to tip you for the privilege?

5 – Starbucks doesn’t bring in lame, untalented musicians all the time whose main goal is to make you feel sorry for them so you toss them some money for music lessons or hearing aids.

4 – Beans.  That other coffee shop’s beans are old, dried up, way too expensive, and you can’t even open the damn bags without pulling out scissors.  Give me a real POUND of beans (not 365 grams or whatever tiny size the others sell) in a bag I can actually open up with my hands.  Myy french press hates dried beans, they’re so dried up they turn into instant powder when I grind them, and just end up all floating around my coffee.  Nasty. Starbucks beans grind way nicer and don’t filter through the strainer when I push down on it.  Yes I’ve tried grinding them coarser but it doesn’t matter.  Do this experiment:  Take a piece of clay, let it dry up, then break it in half.  Powder.  That’s why dry beans suck.

5 – Starbucks will sell me espresso to go.

6 – Venti.  Enough said.  No, not enough.  Listen independant coffee shop, I need 20 ounces in the morning, your “large” cups are tiny.

7 – I thought I said 6 Reasons?  Yeah reason number 7:  Poorly managed wifi that gets choked to hell when one idiot on their Mac decides to watch the latest movie previous in HD from the Apple site.  Get with the times, get a managed wifi system that segregates users and does a little bandwidth management so there’s enough to go around for everybody.

Sheesh.

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